I never imagened that I would be such a horrible blogger. With so many wonderful things going on in my life, I can't believe I haven't taken time to blog and share them with anybody.
Last entry was a hard one, and perhaps one that I hope to have to never write again. I have come to conclude that God has a plan for me, and I guess that plan doesn't include teaching full time in the Divide County School System.
Preschool has and was always a goal of mine, and truthfully the best job a teacher can have, in my opinion of course.. lol Children are so innocent and loving. I go to work each and every day knowing that these kids are learning the foundations of learning that they will use for the rest of their life. :) So rewarding.. Money wise, perhaps not so rewarding as I work just as many hours as a 40hr job and get paid a sad $450 bucks a month. Pretty close to poverty level, but chin high I guess.
I babysit most Monday's and Fridays and have also taken on a third job working for Easter Seals providing care, support and training to those families with children that just need extra help. I am going through the training process right now, and it really looks to be a rewarding job.
Anything I can do to make sure my children have a great life. You do what you gotta do to support your children, and when opporunties are low in your area, and you can't leave, you just keep your chin high and treck on. I've done lots of soul searching and crying since my divorce and then again during my job rejection here in town, and nothing keeps you moving more than a positive attitude.. Of course, I still have my days, as I am sure we all do, but they too are a lot more positive.
The kids are doing wonderful. We had a great summer taking in as many weekends at the cabin as we could, swimming in our back yard pool, camping in Ft. Peck Montana, riding the slides in Kennossee up in Canada, and just being together as a family.
Grant 9, had is motorcyle birthday party in August, and has loved each and every minute of time spent on the scooter I got him for his birthday. Just today we took it down town to sell popcorn to local businesses. He is such a wonderful tendar hearted boy who loves sports. Although he just started piano lessons last week and really seems to love them.
In my opinion Family is family and I will never not invite family to any of the kids' birthday parties. To me Meghan, Ashleigh and Luke will always be my children and a part of me. Just as Ryder, Emma, and Aiden will always have a special play in my heart as grandchildren. I do not force relationships, nor do I want trouble, but divorce doesn't have to wreck bonds if it doesn't have too. I love Grandma Mavis, and Grandpa Jerry very much as I do Barb Kocher. I just wish they could see the good in my heart. I know I have made bad choices and I may not have always done things right, but I still love them all dearly. :)
Grant is going to be a Bears football player for Halloween, and it is almost impossible to get the costume off of him.. Too Funny. He really is his father's son. He loves wood working, hunting, automachanics, and really almost everything that Kurt loves. Kurt is so wonderful in teaching him all of those man things I know nothing about. I did however start cooking with him more, so I can take a little credit for the fact that Grant can cook a thing or too..lol
Micaela 7 is still a mini me. She looks, talks and acts just like I did at that age. It is just crazy how somebody can be so identical to another person. I guess with that said, she must have a positive future, because I went on and did great things.. lol Micaela is in the 2nd grade, and does very well in school. She loves life, and just smiles from ear to ear most days. She does however have that Anjelika the drama queen in her, so I am so lucky to get to endure that. hahaha We have been batteling with her weight pretty much since birth, and it is so frustrating. I so dont want her to go through the many obsticals I went through with my weight. We have been to the nutritionalist, done everything from throwing all sugar cereals away to dong fat free, and during the course of this 2 month journey she gained 10lbs. Poor girl is so active and doesnt need this. We are hoping to get her into a prediatrition who works with children and their weight, but that too is a waiting game. :(
Bethany soon to be 6 in a few short weeks, is still none other than a red head with an attitude. Kurt swares she is an angel for him, but I, having babied her from birth am surely getting my pay back. She has been on this God Mother Kick. Bless her Godmother Jessa's Soul for staying in her life. she loves her soo much and that is all we hear about. Thanks Jessa and Tom for always taking the time to give her gifts and attention. She loves you both so much.
It is just so hard to let go to your baby, and with her starting kindgarten this year, it was really tough on both of us. For the past 2 years it was just her and I during the day, and now she is gone. Sniff Sniff.. I will say I think kindergarten is wearing her out like it did Grant. She is so crabby afterschool and so extrememly tierd. She is in bed most nights at 7:15 and I can barely wake her in the morning at 7:30. Poor girl needs lots of sleep. I have kept her home a day or two to catch up, and maybe that is just what she needs.
Ralph and I are still trying to work things out. It has been tough with him losing his job in Kenmare and than having to come back to Crosby to work at a lower paying job just to live. He has spent most of the summer living in my basement, but I think it is time he moves on. He has applied for several jobs around the state and and has many interviews, so I am hopeful that something will work out for him. I love him a lot, but until he finds work, we really dont have a steady future together. I surely can't support him off my measly means of money, and lord knows Super Value cant. It is really a sad situation. He loves the people he works with in town, and I know he loves me amy kids more than anything, but he deserves bigger and better things, and just basically needs to learn from his mistakes and move on. He is a great guy, fantastic father and great friend.. Only time will tell I guess. :)
One thing I have learned about friendship is that it is what it is and that's it. Do you know some of my very closest highschool friends never once sent a card, messaged me, or texted me following my divorce. I had a couple out of the blue that totally took me by surprise send an email or two, and I guess it just goes to show you who the people are that really care about it. Still to this day almost 2 years later, I still haven't heard from those "so called friends" that I once had. Pretty said. I still comment on their FB pages, or drop them a note, but too some, either divorce is something they look down on me for, or they just heard one to many rumors and that has lead them to stay away. Really sad, but what do you do. I have made a few new friends in Crosby over the past few months, and it has been nice to find people to laugh with again. For those who knew me in highschool I laughed and was happy all of the time. For some reason while I was married the laughter in me died, and I just wasn't happy anymore. I am proud to say I have it back and I am not letting it go. It is who I am. :)
My Three BFFs that I want in my life forever are Tennille Albertson and her daughter Kapri who live in Fargo. Tennille has taught me that a person can only go fowards and not back wards in life. God doesn't give you what you want but rather helps you get the things you need. She is such an inspiration to me and its hard to believe we met in college in 1998.
My Second BFF is Chalsey Anderson. I met her at a time in my life when I was struggling to lose weight and become somebody new. She helped take me out of my caccoon, so to speak and helped transform me into a whole new person. She made me think about my body, and the good qualities that I had rather than focus on the bad. Silly things like waxing my eyes brows, and throwing my Jesus sandles away were just a few minor things that helped me realize that I wasn't the person I once was, but rather on a jounrey to become somebody more confident. Thanks Chalsey.. You are the best ever, and lying under the stars this summer was the most priceless gift anybody can give anybody. Thank you.
My third BFF, whom I call SISTER Stone is Ellen Stone. We just happened to cross paths a mear month or so ago when she and her husband moved to town. Ellen and I love to drink a glass a whine, laugh, watch the silliest of tv reality shows, and just sit on the couch and eat endless oreos. Meeting Ellen has been so nice because for the first time I have a really good friend in town that isn't judgmental, and just wants to be friends that talk about everything. Friends like that are few and far between, and it is nice to be trusted with things that she needs to talk about and vise versa. For her being 10 years younger it is like having a big sister, and for me it is like having a sister period. Had you asked me what I thought of her when I first met her, i would have probably told you a stuck up priss, but sometimes peoeple surprise you and they are infact just shy. She just recently had a baby and it has been so nice mentoring her and her husband as to how to raise their beautiful baby Havyn as well as their very smart daughter Austin whom is in preschool.
As for Kurt, right now I would love to think that we could always be best friends. But with a new wife, and new family, I guess perhaps that title has changed. Kurt was a part of my life for almost 16 years, and while the silliest of things like making him annual blue angle food cake for his Birthdya this sunday is sadely not going to happen for me because I understand his wife wants to give it a whirl, I must just accept it and move on. You can only shed so many tears over things before you realise that it just doesn't do any good. The kids instead will help me make a different cake. It was something we always did together, and I am not going to take that from them. Guess the family will just be getting two cakes this year.. :) Happy Birthday to my very best friend in the world.. Here is to one last year in your 40's before the big 50 hits you... mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa lol
Of course we all have those other friends that we call friends, but really are just aquaintances. It is just nice to finally have a few that are more than hi, buy, how are you friends. :)
Kelly Johson and I have also become closer and closer. She is just a real person. Those are hard to find. She says things how they are, and I love her honesty...
Aside from all of the fun we had this summer, one can not forget the pumpkin patch. It was our 4th annual trip. Kids had so much fun.
ufff, I hope I am not rambling.. But then again it is 430 am. Trust you me I am asking the same question, WHY OH Why ARE YOU UP Anjelika?????
I have a bulging disk in my back that is causing severe pain to my neck, shoulder and arm. As I type my left arm is pulsating and it is driving me crazy. Sadley not as crazy as when I am in bed. It totally drives me nuts in bed because it is like joilts of electricity down my arm, back and neck. I am taking 8 steriod pills a day right now to help bring down the inflamation, and poping oxy codone like crazy. I just dont know what I am going to do. I already had to take a sick day this week because I was in so much pain I ended up going to the hospital for a demeral shot. I have a mri on Thursday, so i am hopeful that something gets figured out. What is weird about the whole thing is that I woke up last Tuesday with a kink in my neck that bothered me a couple days. I went to the chiropractor because she is so wonderful at adjusting me and things just went down from there.. uggg I just want this pain to GOOOOOOO AWAY... :)
Well it is time to crawl back into bed and try sleeping once again. I hope I have you all a little bit caught up and I am hoping to get back into blogging. It is just so tough with 3 kids, 26 preschool students, and then the extra babysitting kids I have and now this new job. Always on the go...
Hope all is well with all of you. :)
Anjelika Kocher and Family
